The last several weeks have been very hard. As most of you know, at least from a recent post, my mother was not doing very well. She was admitted into the hospital on January 1 due to extreme pain and increasing weakness in her legs.
Within the first week of her hospital stay, we discovered her Lymphoma had returned. Being 81 years old and in such a weakened health, Mother did not want to pursue treatment. We were told she then would not have "long."
Well, what is long? What is long to people who love someone so very much? A whole year would not be long when you don't want to lose a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a friend. The doctors would not make an attempt at such a guess.
Those cold January weeks in the hospital were very painful for Mother. She suffered greatly. It was very painful to watch. But the time was precious, and it was an honor to serve her.
She spoke frequently of heaven and her longing to see Jesus. I honestly had never heard anything like it. At first, it was hard to accept. But as I watched her deteriorate, part of me began to long with her, in a submission to the Lord I never imagined I would have to experience.
You see, I wanted to beg God to heal her so she could go home and so that we could fellowship as a family like all the days in the past. But I knew I had to pray for His will. On January 23, the last night she could verbally communicate, she lifted her arms toward heaven and cried out, "It's OK! It's OK! It's OK!"
About 30 hours later, in the early hours of January 25, she did go home. Jesus accepted her home. He did find her OK. . . .because she was His child, bought and paid for by His own blood.
It is "OK" for us because we trust Christ. We know He is in charge. One of Mother's very favorite passages was Proverbs 3:5-6:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."
It is not enought to trust Him when times are good or even when we have a tough decision to make. True peace only comes when you trust Him in the hard and the bad times, too. He must be trusted even when He cannot at all be understood.
In my own little way and through Christ's grace, I trusted Him in Mother's death. Now I am trying to trust Him in this road we call grief. When I wanted to go see her after our baby's sonogram, I had to trust Him. When I wanted to call her when my husband was in the hospital in another (3rd world ahem) country, I had to trust Him. When I go visit my Daddy, and she is so blaringly not there, I must keep on trusting.
But it is "OK" for me, too, because "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9).
All our children have struggled, but Little Sister just cannot understand. She asks unending questions about death, sickness, and heaven. We explain the best we can. The day of Mother's death, she asked several questions about where Heaven is and whether you take a bus or a car there. Finally, she asked, "Did [grandmother] know how to get to heaven?"
"Yes," my dear husband answered, "She sure did."
What about you?????????
In the Heart of our Home,